Lies and Wishes

ymfingsteadilyon:

tanoraqui:

For no particular reason, I would like to state at this time that I do not and have never in hand taken a Silmaril, nor hidden, hoarded, finding keepeth or afar casted one.

Mollified, the smith set down his sword and picked up a very heavy grammar textbook to lecture everyone in the notes on the proper inflection of ‘to keep’.

(via tanoraqui)

topoillogical:

Really adorable old comment I stumbled across on lesswrong

(via teaboot)

amateur-artist:

maladaptations:

mossymagicks:

ieee-official:

Once you get to a certain level of advanced maths, you basically become a wizard.

this is what a page of my wizards spellbook looks like

Sounds like something a wizard mocking another wizard for their poorly written spellbook would say

(via doubleca5t)

muppethole:

muppethole:

tumblr is less a social media site and more language’s final frontier

to boldly go

(via doubleca5t)

julaibib:

(via afishtrap)

yesthatgino:

visenyaism:

if anyone was wondering how they’re reporting statue melting day in charlottesville itself. it’s a good one.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/dc-md-va/interactive/2023/civil-war-monument-melting-robert-e-lee-confederate/

Here’s videos. I’ve giffed some of them.

(via fox-bright)

penisgirlfriend:

nothing that stimulant medication and a coffee and an energy drink and a bump of coke and a good hard slap in the face and seven years in the harsh wilderness and a hug from a friend and a firm prostate milking and 250mg of MDMA crystals and a top of the line gaming PC and a tall glass of water and a distant memory of summer and piano lessons and four 20mg edibles and a sword that hungers for human blood and a well socialized tuxedo cat and a sushi dinner and a leather jacket and a power nap and a single beautiful rod of depleted uranium and regular estradiol injections and a typewritten sheet of paper bearing the solution to the hard problem of consciousness and nipple clamps and a lobotomy and a gun and another coffee can’t fix

(via retroactivebakeries)

beesmygod:

i wish there was a way to be like “research the TRUTH about 9/11” without sounding insane, but the older i get the more i realize i wasnt misremembering and the memory of that day has become completely sanitized as an example of american heroism in the face of terrorist aggression and not one of the most horrific systematic failures and explicit moments of sociopathy resulting in a mass maiming/cancer/unidentified remains event.

an unfathomable amount of firefighters died because, despite being given a 21 minute warning that the building would collapse from a helicopter above specifically bc the NYPD hates the fire department

after the first tower had been hit, workers in tower 2 tried to flee and were told to go back to work by security guards and port authority

1000 remains are still unidenitfied

(via thepariahcontinuum)

silvadour:

(via retroactivebakeries)

derinthescarletpescatarian:

homunculus-argument:

No joke is one-size-fits-all, but adding “but I remain optimistic” at the end of any somewhat-speculating statement makes it funny, taking a different tone in each.

Adding it to the end of something positive gives it an unexpected twist - implying that whatever the good thing that happened was, it wasn’t what you expected or hoped to happen, but you’re yet to give up hope of whatever the fuck you’ve now vaguely implied towards might still happen. “He survived and is expected to make a full recovery, but I remain optimistic.”

Adding it to a neutral statement implies that you think something can be done about it, funniest if the statement is something that obviously can’t be affected. “Apparently it’s tuesday tomorrow, but I remain optimistic.”

And the bleakest, most hopeless statements just become bleakly funny by the grim absurdity. “About 30 seconds remain until impact, and the chances of any of us surviving the crash are zero. But I remain optimistic.”

“But I stay silly.”

(via penroseparticle)